While most of the other babies are younger, they are already crawling, sitting, scooting and moving around like crazy. And I have to admit, it stings a little that Lilly isn't able to do the same. I watch the others sitting upright, banging and squealing with delight when the drums come out. Instead, Lilly's face searches the instruments as they are set up. She holds a skeptical look in her eyes. I hold her closer against me and guide her hands over the drum's thick skinned top, gently tapping her tiny hand under mine and swaying with the rest of the class.
Sometimes I find myself looking around to see if others are watching and/or judging her. Because I am both protective and paranoid. I find myself trying to fend off their pity with my widest smile and laughter. At the end of the song the other mom's ask how old she is. I put on my bravest, most unapologetic face and I proudly tell them that she is indeed, 1 year old.
I fear that as she gets older, her differences will become less easy to hide and more apparent to the outside world. Because for now, the world just assumes that she is much younger than her actual age. I am certain that will be a difficult thing for me to deal with. Difficult, because I do not want her to be judged. I do not want her to be singled out. I do not want her to feel that she is less than other children her age. Because, I want to protect her from ignorance for as long as I possibly can.
But until then I will continue to practice my bravest, most unapologetic face and my widest, widest smile.
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