There are moments when her disabilities completely overwhelm me. Moments when I cannot breathe at the thought of having to care for her every need, every single day, for the rest of my life. The idea that she may never go to college, or get married or ever live on her own, paralyzes me with sheer sorrow.
However, there are other times, sometimes, early in the morning before anyone is awake or late at night when everything is quiet. As I peel back the curtains that face out over the smoky grey mountains, I find an honest moment that allows me to remember just how amazing it is to be in her life. I am struck with a feeling of just how privileged I am to be sharing each of her days here on earth.
Here are just some of the reason's it is really cool to be Lilly's mom.
She is innocent. She does not know what it means to manipulate, coerse, lie or deceive. She is absolute honesty, always.
She has no ego. She is never embarrassed or uneasy with herself. She stims, rocks and giggles at will. She sees no reason to hold back.
She doesn't have the capacity for envy or jealousy. These are emotions that serve her no purpose. She doesn't know that she is different, therefore, she has no motive to envy her peers. She is content with who she is. She knows no other way to be.
She is humble. She is happy with a paper towel roll, an out dated magazine or even an empty shoe box. "Things" mean nothing to her.
She lives in the moment. She doesn't worry about the past or fret about the future. She is fully engaged in the moment she is in.
She is pure happiness. A curtain blowing, a fleeting shadow, a simple breeze can bring her endless enjoyment. She can cry and laugh in the very same moment.
She doesn't hold grudges. Or stay angry.
She is a love machine. Her hugs are so magical, I am pretty sure they could solve the majority of the world's largest problems. And that soft spot hidden between her neck and her ear....yeah, I am pretty sure that is the eighth wonder of the world.
According to her she has the coolest life ever. She is adored, cared for and has access to endless amounts of cartoons. Coolest-life-ever.
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