This is where we were 3 years ago.
Our beautiful Lillian.
Recognizable only by the heart shape of her mouth.
The length of her dark wispy lashes.
There were tubes and bandages everywhere.
When she wasn't sleeping. She cried.
It hurt to hold her.
It went on like this for the good part of her first year.
Terrified.
Alone.
Clueless.
Would she live in a hospital?
Would we live in a hospital?
Would she live?
Would any of us survive all of the uncertainty?
We almost lost our home.
We almost lost our sanity.
We almost lost our daughter.
Wow.
It feels like we have lived 10 years since this photo was taken.
It doesn't even seem real.
Lilly will be 3 years old in a couple of weeks.
I most certainly will have my yearly meltdown.
I have come to know this about myself.
She still doesn't talk.
She still doesn't walk.
She still doesn't eat solid foods.
She still doesn't answer when I call her name.
She seems incapable of making eye contact.
She is on 6 different medications.
She has 15-20 hours of therapy a week.
But she is here.
Home. With us.
We have created our own version of normal.
She has her own schedule.
We move our life around Lilly.
In fact, we would move the whole wide world for her.
She cruises around on her scooter.
Wraps herself in the curtains and laughs.
She tortures the cats.
Squeals at the sight of Calliou.
Walks assisted.
Drinks from an open cup.
Lifts her arms to me when she wants to be picked up.
Identifies her toys on her squishy pink Ipad.
She is enrolled in special ed preschool for the Fall.
We don't know for certain if we will be back again there someday.
Drowning in the chaos.
All we know for sure is that today she is here.
She is here.
She is here.
3 years later.
She. Is. Here.
